grandma shit on top of the toilet
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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