I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime