I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!