I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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