I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
