you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
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We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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