i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
