how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
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It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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