hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???