I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed