I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy