And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.