Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
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right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
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Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.