3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.