I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...