I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.