I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
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I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?