He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER