One girl and one boy is just not enough.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?