He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
