when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
