i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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