i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
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Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
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Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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