I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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