I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
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The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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