He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
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