I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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