Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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