she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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