Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
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Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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