She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
