Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
