census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize