Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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