dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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