I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
