My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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