Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
