And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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