she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i out mim tonsoeep
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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