i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
