If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
