i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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