When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize