Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize