Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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