Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
dude. I can hear the air.
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