I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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