apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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