I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
