she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize