Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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