I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My liver just had a heart attack.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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