he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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