mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
