Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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