we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
