# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
