Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
