One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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