Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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