I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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